When Time Out is given, the time should be 1 min. per child's age. For example 9 year old = 9 min. ..

Are time outs the best way to deal with your child's misbehavior? Not necessarily!

When your child starts offering to sit on a chair as discipline, or  smirks the entire time, then you know it is time to move on...........

The best discipline has nothing to do with punishment. It involves teaching, explaining, guiding, modeling, and time. Yes, it takes more time to sit and show your child how to paint on paper than it does to send him to his room for coloring on the walls -- but only the first choice makes sense in terms of teaching.

Misbehavior is natural in children as they learn and develop their independence. So, what can a parent do?

* Model acceptable ways to treat other people. (Hands are for Helping, not Hurting )

* Teach ways to complete tasks and treat other people.

* Guide children to doing the right thing with loving attention and help..

* Don't expect more than a child is capable of developmentally. Two year olds can not sit still for a formal sit-down dinner.and a child dealing with handicaps such as FAS or ADHD , your they won'ts might ought to be; they Can't.

* Devote at least 20 minutes to each of your children each day, giving them your undivided attention.

* Listen to what your child is saying.

* Acknowledge and accept your child's feelings.

* Hug your children at least five times per day, if you have a child that don't care for hugs.. there are other ways to make contact, ruffle their hair or a high five.. with some a fancy hand shake works great, (Let them make up their own style)..

* Don't call your children "Bad." .

* Set reasonable, fair, realistic rules for safety, to protect others and property.

* Notice your children being kind to other people.

* Be patient. It can take children many repetitions to learn something.

* Be fair. Each child is different. Some children are more demanding and harder to get along with than others. Find ways to appreciate your children's uniqueness.

* Think in the long-term. Consider lifetime values that you teach your children, rather than just being concerned how "behave" at this particular moment.

Behavior Managment

Communicate your expectations clearly.

Some parents express what they want their child do by  including a child's feelings as a part of the communication. For example: "Let's get in the car. I know you want to go to grandma's,  don't you?"

Say, instead: "I want you to get in your car seat now. We are going  to grandma's house."

Accept your child's feelings, but reinforce your expectations.

Expecting your child to show enthusiasm or contentment  about doing what is required. Instead, be willing to reflect your child's negative feelings about doing what you require, but do not negate what you expect.

For  example: "Grandma is waiting for us. You must get in your car  seat. I know you are sad about having to leave your friends right  now. You will be able to play again another day."

Communicate and deliver consequences.

Many parents resort to yelling, instead of communicating  and delivering consequences in a matter-of-fact tone. Or they do  not follow through on consequences they communicate because they threaten inappropriately in the heat of anger. Instead, accept complaints, but clarify what will happen if they do  not listen.

For example: "If you do not get in your car seat by the  count of three, I will put you in myself." Or, for an older child, "If

you do not do your homework, you will not be able to watch your  TV program." Be sure you make appropriate consequences that  you are willing to deliver. Then, follow through!

(Note:  Yelling is not  a viable consequence, and only leads to escalation!)

Expect to follow through on your consequences BEFORE your  children will listen. It will take one, two or three times for your  child to know that you mean what you say, especially if you have  been resorting to whining or complaining instead of being authoritative (which we all do at one time or another).

Separate your child's behavior from their self-esteem. Label a  behavior "bad," but not your child's motives or character.

To confuse behavior with character labels. For example: "No hitting! Only bad boys hit."

Instead, "Hitting is a bad thing to do to others. You must learn to  use your words." Or to an older child when addressing a bad mistake. "You are not a thief. Why in the world did you steal that  lipstick?" Separating behavior from action allows children to learn  from their mistakes, rather than be condemned by them.

Technique that generally work..

If you are dealing with small children or children with ADHA or other learning handicaps, swifter discipline is needed I recommend the taking away of immediate privileges. "You threw your cup on the floor on purpose -- you won't get any dessert," is  an example of immediate discipline.

Or -- "If you don't clean your room, you won't get to watch TV."  

The message here is that all actions have consequences. And it is probably the most important thing you can teach your child. and remember to match the disciplinary technique to the developmental age of your child.

Last but not Least...

Time.... give yourself time to reflect, YOU are in charge, when my kids push the limit and I really get upset, I tell them they have a "PAYDAY" coming.. That gives me the opportunity to go over the events when I am calmer.

But don't put off the consequences to long or they will forget all about it..and look at you as if you lost your mind or you have them mixed up with someone else..

It is my job as parents to guide our children. I must be willing to accept anger and other negative feelings when I set appropriate limits. As long as my expectations are reasonable for the child's age, I may successfully adopt the role of benevolent dictator when necessary. As a parent I have our children's best interests at heart. I have raised them to give me their input.

They will feel empowered to express themselves and be able to influence the direction of their destiny in their adult lives. But I do not stop short of taking charge. Ones calm leadership is necessary to create a stable environment.

Children flourish in an atmosphere that promotes order over chaos.

During the "Family Foster Care Pre-Service Program", I was informed that Spanking was not a option !!

I thought to myself "How can one train them in the ways they should go, with out spanking them?" 

Well I have learned a lot, and I want to share with you ...

Alternatives to spanking