When Things Go Wrong
Although only a small percentage of U.S. or international special needs adoptions go "wrong," some do. Special needs adoptions are riskier than traditional healthy infant placements. Sometimes there will be difficulties involving out-of-home care, a child's acting out that endangers others or the child, and even the failure of the adoption. This section deals with some of the problems that can occur.
Children who were abused by birth or foster parents or other adults, particularly children who were sexually abused, sometimes make false abuse allegations against subsequent parents or caregivers. Here's information about the issue.
Adoptions aren't always successful, and sometimes adoptive parents or agencies have a child removed from the adoptive family before the adoption is finalized (disruption) or after it has become legal (dissolution).
When an adoption agency or professional withholds critical information from adoptive parents or lies to them about a child, and this dishonesty or recklessness causes harm to the adopted child or the adoptive family, adoptive parents have grounds to sue the agency or professionals involved. The tort of "wrongful adoption" developed when many adoptive parents did just that.
What do you know about Social Security Benefits for your children (adopted, biological, stepchildren)? If one parent or the other dies before a child is grown, even if the parents are divorced, the child may be eligible for survivor's benefits. Here is some information gleaned about survivor's benefits.
False Abuse Allegations
Children who have been abused by birth or foster parents or other adults, particularly children who were sexually abused, sometimes make false abuse allegations against subsequent parents or caregivers.
Children should be protected from the crime of child abuse, and every American has a clear obligation to report suspected abuse whenever and wherever it is encountered. Most allegations of abuse are never substantiated, however, and many innocent people suffer from the fear, humiliation, shame, and expense of fighting a false abuse allegation. Some adoptive parents have spent their life's savings fighting false abuse charges, and a few have even spent time in jail before being vindicated.
Adoptive parents need to know that foster and special needs adoptive parents are more likely to be charged with child abuse than other parents. Transracial or large special needs adoptive families attract more attention and scrutiny. Foster and adoptive families of emotionally disturbed children can be victimized by children who use child abuse allegations as a way of hurting and alienating families that genuinely care. Ironically, adoptive parents are statistically less likely to actually be abusers than other parents, probably because of the stringent homestudy process designed to screen out those unqualified for parenting. This is not to suggest that adoptive parents cannot be abusive; we know adult adoptees who grew up with very abusive adoptive parents.
Sibling abuse is not a well-known problem, but it is all too common among emotionally disturbed siblings placed together into the same adoptive home. Sometimes adoptive parents are accused of abusing a child when, in fact, one child has been abused by another child in the family.
Adoptive parents who have survived the nightmare of false abuse allegations often say that it was the worst experience of their lives. To be falsely accused of something as heinous as hurting one's own child is an experience that can and does ruin lives, marriages, and can destroy entire families. When the false charges are made by the adopted children themselves, they also contribute to adoption disruption.
Protecting Yourself from False Abuse Allegation
There are several things adoptive and foster parents can do to protect themselves from false abuse allegations:
* Before an older child is placed into your family, write the placing agency and specifically ask that any history of physical or sexual abuse of the child be documented in writing. If the child has had several placements since protective removal from an abusive situation, also ask whether the child has ever made false abuse allegations. Insist on a written response. * If a child has a history of false abuse allegations, ask the child's worker to write a letter stating the allegations, circumstances, and how the allegations proved to be unfounded. Keep this letter in a safe place in case you ever have to show that the child has a pattern of disrupting placements through such allegations. * Talk with the child openly about his or her history of being abused, and of making false allegations. Tell the child that you plan to protect him or her and yourself. * Immediately enlist the help of a competent professional experienced with abuse survivors and foster or adoptive family therapy. You and the child will need ongoing therapeutic support from a person who knows you well. * If a child is sexually reactive, acts out sexually, or has provocative behavior, the adults and older children in the household should be sure to have another adult nearby or in the same room for the protection of the parent and the child. Some of these children (young adults) are sexual predators, so don't let yourself or your spouse become a victim.. *Children who have been sexually abused can be more likely to become victims again. Even if a child has a history of making false allegations, always take new allegations seriously. The child may truly become a victim of sexual abuse again. It is the duty of the foster or adoptive parent, working with professionals, to protect the child and give her or him functional boundaries and self-protective strategies. * Never use physical punishment. * If an out-of-control child needs to be restrained or held, get help as soon as you can and only restrain a child until he or she regains some control. And never restrain a child if you haven't been trained in proper restraint techniques. At least one adopted child has been killed while his much larger and stronger adoptive parent restrained him.VOCAL
Victims of Child Abuse Laws, or VOCAL, is a nationwide organization of people who have survived false abuse allegations. VOCAL volunteers advocate a very important strategy for parents who are falsely accused: Tape-record or have a credible witness to every single conversation with abuse investigators. This is essential because it is important that parents not be misunderstood, misquoted, or have their words confused with those made by another accused person. If an abuse investigator asks to speak to a parent, that person should immediately reach for a tape recorder, or inform the investigator that it will be necessary first for a neighbor, friend, or some other witness to be present. This protects everyone and fosters accuracy in the investigation. The recorded tapes should be kept by the parent in a safe place, or the witness should be asked to take live notes, or to later write down what he or she remembers from the conversation.
It can be especially helpful for parents to have a professional, such as their attorney or family therapist, to accompany them to the interview with officials. If parents are accused of child abuse or neglect in court, being able to produce credible witnesses of the parents' responsible behavior will go a long way to supporting the parents and disabling the adopted child's attempt to undermine the adoption.
VOCAL can be contacted at 4854 Appleton Avenue, Jacksonville, FL 32210, FAX 904-381-7097.
Father's Rights Groups often must deal with the issue of false abuse allegations made by men's ex-wives during custody battles. Adoptive and foster parents who are confronted with false abuse allegations would also do well to network with some of these groups for more information. Links to several groups or their informational web sites are below.
Sites to See
Allegation Inoculation is a Frank Kunstal training published at the NYSCCC site.
Books on False Abuse Allegations
COSA, Casualties of Sexual Allegations
Abuse-Excuse Page
False Allegations of Child Molestation and Abuse
False Allegations of Child Sexual Abuse
The A-Team is a group of law, psychology, and other professionals helping those falsely accused of abuse. An excellent site.
What to Do When Falsely Accused, step-by-step instructions.
Adoption Failure
Disruption and Dissolution
Disruption is a term meaning a reversed adoption. Often it is used to describe all failed adoptions. Clinicians and researchers use the term in a more narrow way to indicate a failed adoption that has not yet been finalized in a court of law.
Dissolution is the term used to describe an adoption that has been set aside legally after an adoption finalization. Dissolutions can occur years after the initial placement and sometimes happen when a family seeks to protect itself from an emotionally disturbed child who becomes a threat to the safety of family members. Dissolutions are much more difficult to obtain than disruptions, and dissolutions can involve high legal bills. Bad matches lead to emotionally devastating disruptions and disastrous dissolutions.
People who adopt older children are in the greatest need of accurate information because their adoptions are most at risk in terms of disruption. Disruptions can run as high as 10 to 20% in older child adoption (Barth & Berry, 1988). This is 10 to 20 times higher than the disruption rate in infant placements, and does not count the placements in which the troubled child is living out of the home, but is still legally part of the adoptive family.
Headed for Trouble
Parents who find that an adoption is not working should immediately contact their social worker. It is important to determine, with the help of qualified professionals, if the problem can be solved or not. If it can be solved or relief can be had, finalizing the adoption should be postponed until the parent or parents feel absolutely confident that the placement will work. If it is determined that the problem cannot be solved--that this was a match that should not have happened--it is important to stop the adoption before it is finalized. This will relieve more anguish for the child and the would-be parents.
Some of the research on failed adoptions shows that many adoptive parents who dissolved or disrupted a child's placement didn't ask for professional help or support until only weeks before the child was removed from the home. This indicates that some parents wait far too long to ask for help, and that by the time they do ask for help, they and the child are so firmly entrenched in failure and mistrust that there's hardly any hope of saving the relationship.
Some of the signs that a placement is headed for trouble:
* The mother and father are divided about the child and the placement, * One parent, usually the mother, becomes the target parent for the child's misbehavior, while the child presents his or her better side to the father. * There are frequent calls from the school, day care center, or neighbors about the new child's acting out, and both parents begin to feel tired of the constant troubles. * Parents begin to bargain with one another and set time frames for progress, "Let's try this new approach and give it 6 more weeks and see how it goes." * There are other children in the family and the new child acts out aggressively or sexually against them. * Close friends and the adoption worker begin to suggest disruption. * The home becomes institutionalized and the parents begin to feel like psychiatric workers instead of parents. * The marriage begins to flounder as a result of division and stress. * Joy, laughter, fun, and joking around don't happen much in the home any more. * The new child will not accept his or her new parents, siblings, or situation and repeatedly asks to be removed.* Either parent harbors feelings of hatred and rage toward the adoptive child.* Either parent begins to act abusively toward the child.It's All in the Matching
Many special needs adoption advocates believe that there is no such thing as an unadoptable child. They say there is a parent for every waiting child if the matches can just be made. Even children who must live in institutions due to behavior problems, or who must live in hospitals due to chronic illness, can benefit from having a forever family on the "outside" who loves and cares about them.
At the same time, everyone with any experience in the field agrees that matches cannot always work out. Matching, especially when it comes to placing older children and sibling groups, is a highly specialized art. It must be approached with caution and expertise. When adoptions go wrong, the root cause is often a bad match. Some children simply don't belong in some families. Both social workers and prospective parents need to make sure that a match is sound.
Experienced social workers make far fewer inappropriate matches than do new ones. Even experienced adoptive parents should ask seasoned social workers for their opinions on a potential placement. Many adoptive parents learn through experience that they can be blinded by romance, and, sometimes, by a "rescue fantasy" mentality. All adoptive parents need the opinions of objective experts. They should listen to therapists and professionals who have experience with the types of children they plan to adopt. Grandpa's opinion is nice, but if Grandpa does not have real knowledge of special needs adoptive placements, parents need another opinion, too!
Preventing Disruption: The Safety Net
A safety net is our term for a way of protecting both children and parents when an emotionally disturbed or high-risk child is adopted. A safety net is simply a clause inserted into an adoption assistance contract that says that in the event that residential care should become needed (i.e., recommended by a mental health professional) the state placing the child will locate a facility. The safety net further stipulates that the state placing the child will pay any cost not covered by AAP (subsidy), Medicaid, or the family's private insurance, and will continue to find additional placements for the child as long as they are needed, or until the child is 18 years old. If the state cannot find any other residential placements for the child, they will place the child into foster care or some other out-of-home setting as long as it is necessary.
Over the years, we have seen states voluntarily include similar clauses in the contracts of emotionally disturbed children going into adoptive placements. We have also seen states refuse to consider adding such a paragraph. Under no circumstances would we ever encourage a family to adopt a child who is at risk of developing behavioral problems unless a safety net was part of the assistance contract. We include information about states that will pay for residential treatment over and above what Medicaid will pay on the Help for Kids in 50 States page.
When Is a Safety Net Needed?
How can parents determine if a safety net is needed? The following checklist can help. The presence of just one of these factors may indicate the need for a safety net. The more factors present in a child's history, the more wary adoptive parents should be of adopting without a safety net. An adopted child is at risk of developing emotional and behavioral problems that could result in a need for residential treatment later if that child:
* Has a biological family history of mental illness, behavioral and emotional problems, or drug or alcohol abuse, * Has had multiple caregivers, * Has experienced any type of abuse or neglect, * Was hospitalized or institutionalized frequently and for many consecutive days during the first 18 months of life, * Has a drug or alcohol abuse problem, * Engages in high-risk or illegal behaviors,* Has a history of emotional or behavioral problems in foster care or at school, * Has seen or been seen by mental health professionals on a regular basis, or * Exhibits moderate to severe emotional or behavioral problems with the adoptive parents or with other caregivers prior to finalization of the adoption.Sites to See
Post-Adoption Services, an informational article by Dr. Vera Fahlberg about post-adoption issues.
Wrongful Adoption
Wrongful adoption is a term used to describe adoptions in which the adoptive parents were wronged in some way. Typically, this means that the adoptive parents were not given adequate or truthful information about the child's risk factors, disabilities, or behavioral problems, and were placed in crisis as a result. Wrongful adoption lawsuits are very expensive and time-consuming. They are also increasing.
The Wisemans, for example, told their agency they did not want to adopt emotionally disturbed children. They were matched to and adopted Maria and Jean at ages 5 and 6, believing the children to be emotionally healthy. In fact, they had specifically asked about emotional or behavioral problems and were told the little girls had none.
The children's honeymoon phase (unusually positive initial behavior) ended after the couple finalized the adoption. At this point, the children began acting out in severe ways. They became defiant of household rules, acted out sexually with toys, and then sexually abused the Wiseman's third child, a toddler. Surprised and dismayed, the Wisemans began to research the girls' history. They learned that the agency has purposely withheld information about the girls' past sexual and physical abuse and acting-out and many foster care placements. One former day care provider told them that the girls had a history of sexual acting out with other children. Before the placement, when the Wisemans had written the agency and asked them if the girls had any history of sexual abuse or sexual acting out, the social worker returned a letter stating that the girls had no such history. The Wisemans learned from the former day care provider that this same social worker had been the one to remove the girls from the day care center for sexual acting out.
After trying various treatments without success, the Wisemans hired an attorney. The girls entered residential treatment. The Wisemans sued the placing agency for wrongful adoption. They asked for reimbursement of their expenses for treatment, plus legal costs and punitive damages.
The adoptive parents contended that the state agency had withheld critical information from them. They said that had they known the whole truth about the children they would never have adopted the girls. The state maintained that the information was withheld accidentally. The case is still pending.
Preventing wrongful adoption lawsuits means that prospective adoptive parents must be absolutely certain that they have access to all of the information about the children they are adopting. Parents should insist on full disclosure, and if it is not forthcoming, should go elsewhere to adopt.
From Adopting and Advocating for the Special Needs Child, by L. Anne Babb and Rita Laws.
Sites to See
Adoption Advocates information about wrongful adoption -- excellent links, and lots of them.
Post-Adoption Resource Project
Protecting the Rights of Hard to Place Children in Adoption
When a Parent Dies
Benefits for Survivors
What do you know about Social Security Benefits for your children (adopted, biological, stepchildren)? If one parent or the other dies before a child is grown, even if the parents are divorced, the child may be eligible for survivor's benefits. Here is some information gleaned from the Social Security web site and the 1997 Social Security Handbook. Please call the Social Security Administration (1-800-772-1213) for the
latest information or visit the SSA web site.
Planning Your Family's Long-Term Security
You can get an estimate of the benefits that could be paid to your family by downloading the Form SSA-7004 (Request for Personal Earnings and Benefit Estimate Statement- PEBES) from our website, by visiting your local Social Security office, or by calling us toll-free at 1-800-772-1213 and asking for the form. The statement will give you an estimate of your retirement, survivors, and disability benefits payable on your earnings record. You should receive it within four to six weeks after you complete and return
the form to the SSA.
There is a limit to the amount of monthly benefits that can be paid to a family. The limit is generally equal to about 150-180% of the worker's benefit rate. If the sum of the benefits payable to family members exceeds this limit, the benefits will be reduced proportionately for each family member.
For more information about your role as a parent under the Social Security program, read Understanding Social Security or call 1-800-772-1213 and ask for it.
Child's Insurance Benefit
A child is entitled to children's insurance benefits on the Social Security record of a parent if:
* an application for child's insurance benefits is filed; and * the child is (or was) dependent upon the parent (see §§333-337); and * the child is unmarried; and D.* the child is under age 18; or age 18-19 and a full-time elementary or secondary school student; or age 18 or over and under a disability (which must have begun before age 22) (see §516); and * the parent is entitled to disability insurance benefits; or is entitled to retirement insurance benefits; or died and was either fully or currently insured at the time of death.Child's Insurance Benefit Payment
A child's monthly benefit rate is one-half the insured parent's primary insurance amount if the parent is entitled to disability or retirement insurance benefits. If the insured parent is dead, the monthly benefit rate is three-fourths of the parent's primary insurance amount. The benefit paid to a child may be less, however, if the "family maximum" applies and the benefit rate must be proportionately reduced; or a disabled "child" is entitled to disability or retirement insurance benefits on his or her own Social Security record. In this case, only the amount by which the child's monthly benefit rate exceeds the retirement or disability insurance benefit is paid as the child's insurance benefit.
Child in Care Requirement
Having in care a child entitled to benefits is a requirement for payment of monthly benefits to a spouse under age 62, to a mother or father, and to a surviving divorced mother or father. The child in care must be under age 16, or disabled if age 16 or over.
Benefits are not payable for any month in which the child is not in the parent's care, or the child is age 16 or over and not disabled.
The amount of the benefit payable to a spouse or divorced spouse will not be reduced (except for excess earnings) for any month in which he or she has a child in care. Similarly, the amount of the benefit payable to a widow(er), surviving divorced spouse, or disabled widow(er) will not be reduced below 75 percent of the primary insurance amount of the deceased worker in any month in which he or she has such a child in care (unless reduction for the family maximum or excess earnings is required).
The child entitled to benefits must be the worker's child; e.g., the natural child, stepchild, or adopted child. Where a wife or husband is concerned, the child must be entitled to benefits on the same worker's Social Security earnings record. Where a surviving divorced mother or father is concerned, the child must also be his or her natural or legally adopted child and the child's insurance benefit must be payable on the same worker's Social Security earnings record. Where a divorced spouse, a widow(er), a surviving divorced spouse, a mother, or a father is concerned, the child may be entitled to child's benefits on any Social Security record.
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