"One by one, the petals fall from the flower,

but one day the rose will bloom again."

We can't say we weren't warned.....

During our initial foster parent training, Ron talked a little about allegations. In a subsequent training session, we were told not to wonder "if" an allegation would be made, but "when".

I  thought I was prepared for an allegation, but I could never have known what was in store for me. I  could never have imagined or prepared myself for the process that would be so totally devastating.

For those of you who have had a allegation made against you by a foster child, you know how horrible it is. My heart goes out to you and your family. And always remember, you're not alone.

For those of you who have not yet had a allegation made, please don't think it won't happen to you because you've done everything to protect yourselves, or that the allegation process is a simple one. I made this mistake.

The longer you are a foster parent, the chances of having an allegation made against you greatly increases.

Fact or Fiction ?

A foster child makes a serious allegation. The Department of  Services To Children & Families  (SCF) looks at the child's record, sees they are a habitual liar, has a history of disrupting every home they've been in, and has some major mental illness or attachment issues.

The foster parents have always worked closely with the agency and have an impeccable reputation. The children placed in their home have all thrived and excelled.

The allegation is found to be unsubstantiated and, after a couple of days, your life returns to normal.

In an ideal world, this is how an allegation would be handled, but in reality, this isn't even close to what you will encounter. The above scenario is fiction.

Reality

A foster child makes a allegation against you. You are GUILTY, until you prove yourself innocent. Because this is an administrative investigation and not a criminal one, you have no legal rights. You are NOT innocent, until proven guilty, and you cannot face your accuser.

S.C.F. will remove the foster children in your home and place them into other foster homes BEFORE you are even questioned or told what the allegation is. They will give you a generall idea of the allegations, but that is it...

The people from your agency, whom you worked with for years, will try to avoid any contact with you. Your social worker from SCF will take this same approach. You are suddenly standing alone.

When we first enter the world of foster parenting, we are excited, enthusiastic, naive, willing and eager to meet the challenges that face us. We plunge into this endeavor with the expectations of making a better life for a child, and, sometimes a whole family. How many times throughout our foster parenting "career" do we hear the phrase "at risk children"?

Do we ever hear "at risk foster parents"? I never have .. If prospective foster parents knew the perils that lurched inside this crazy world of caring for abused and neglected children, would many continue the recruitment process? I wouldn't think so.

Still, I wonder why so many foster parents stay in a field that can turn our world upside down at the whim of one person. I am talking about erroneous allegations. An allegation of any nature is devastating and hard to pull one's self back into the mainstream of everyday life. We are never the same after an accusation -- a little disappointed, frustrated, confused, embarrassed, hopefully much wiser. 

Accusations can happen to any of us at any time. ..

"The Social Worker that is dealing with past issues.."

"The school that wants the child moved so they will not have to deal with such serious behavior problems."

"The foster child who thinks he/she will be sent back to live with their biological family if they convince the social worker the foster mother hits them and deprives them of food."

Vulnerability is a foster parent's middle name. We are always "at risk".

As foster parents we are held to a higher standard......... Fair? No, we are human!

Our constitutional rights ensure innocence until proven guilty. Does this apply to foster parents? Yes!

Is it upheld? You tell me... 

Even with a "unfounded" allegation, a foster parent has this haunting fear that they will be placed on a "no use" list and never receive placements again or they will use you only for "Respite Care"

There is no suit of armor to protect us from erroneous allegations. There are steps we can take to minimize our chances of accusal.

Get as much information about the child before you accept placement.

Behavioral problems?

Emotional problems?

Medical attention needed?

How many prior foster homes has he/she been in?

Has he/she made allegations against previous care takers?

Ask to speak to the previous foster parent if coming from another foster home.

School performance?

Parental visitation?

Don't be afraid to say no to a placement that could put you at risk. Protecting your license ensures care needed to the majority of children. Overindulging our pride by thinking we can save every child is of no benefit to anyone and many times results in a serious allegation.

Being accused of wrong doing is terrible ! If you are ever accused of an allegation, be it erroneous or true, get support and help from someone you trust. Keep conversation among only vested parties.

It is difficult to stay in a system that fails to support it's key players against allegations, especially when those allegations can tear apart families. Innocent young children have been removed from their foster homes due to "False Allegations". after we worked so hard on making them feel safe and secure.

You are suddenly standing alone, the home that once echoed with the sounds of children, is still and all you hear is ..

" The Sudden Silence"...

It is of this writers opinion that we can minimize those risks, however, we must protect and serve our families first. One feels numb and question themselves, weather they want to continue being a foster parent. Fear takes over, You feel alone and are searching for the loss connection to those who you once thought to be your comrades. The policy protects the system but who protects us??

I did a great study on After an Adoption Post-Legal Issues, as you will see on my Parental Training page. There is a great piece on When Things Go Wrong, False Abuse Allegations.. Also informational web sites are listed.

After you survive an allegation it takes this, to continue to stay in Foster Care..

Allegations

"The Sudden Silence"

"Assessment of Abuse Allegations in Certified Family Foster Care, Group Homes and Family Shelter Homes."

Educated yourself in the procedures.... Enter